food glorious food

the food at this college is pretty bad and iv always eaten as little of it as possible which has always kinda sucked cos i am paying for it then i go out to tesco and buy more so i have something real to eat. so i figured it would make sense if the college would agree to seperate my fees for room and for food and i could ditch the canteen altogether. found out today that they wont which sucks cos i dont have enough money to pay for both food i dont eat and food i do. i cant eat beef, mutton or most pig products (bacon and sausages are alright) the smell of any roast meat except chicken or turkey makes me throw up. cant stand gravy, onions, mushrooms, sprouts, tunips, cabbage, hate white sliced bread, any soup thats not tomato, theres a bunch more but i usually forget about them until theyr in front of me. oooh and never peel an orange in front of me, the smell makes me throw up. im pretty much a nightmare to cook for. i tried not making a big deal out of it when i started here but today the only thing i could eat was 1 bowl of cereal and a cucumber and mayo sandwhich with coleslaw. that will eb my entire food consumption for the day if i dont go to tesco. it sucks. i hate being hungry, makes me dizzy and headachey.

havent made it to a single class

having a strange day. woke up to my alarm at 8.30 this morning but was so tired i couldnt move, i couldnt even summon the energy to switch off the alarm and left it to run for ages. fell back asleep until 4pm when squeeky girls on my floor woke me up coming back from class. as i type im missing maths but its like even the air is heavy, dont know whats wrong with me today. hope im not coming down with anything. really need to be well enough to go to interviews and do all the things that need to be done for when i move out of here. not the time to be tired. iv gotta get up and find something to eat.

my new home

switching away from bebo to find a proper home for my whinging. okay so catch up - my names aileen, im 21 and im living in a little town near edinburgh in the residential building of a crappy college. well until june 19th i am anyway. on that day my course here ends and im to be homeless. iv applied for a residential placement as a carer for a voluntary organisation called CSV but really worried im not gonna get anything. if not i have to apply to the council as homeless. last time i tried that here they were so agressive they actually made me cry. on top of all that im really broke as all i have is my DLA money and iv just had to buy a laptop after the one i had been borrowing from the college got broken and the college refused to lend me another one. laptop access is kinda important to me as i have really crappy eyesight and can barely read normal print. my handwriting is a bit all over the place and pretty much unreadable so i couldnt take notes and of course i couldnt see any of the powerpoint presentations the tutors use in class so it pretty much sucked. i hated being so left out of class without a laptop. the college said they would set up a pc in classrooms instead but that seemed daft. i mean there would have to be one in every classroom and theyr pretty cramped as it is - would have felt like a bit of an idiot as well. hate a big deal being made of the whole crappy vision thing. just want to deal with it as sensibly and quietly as possible. seems to be a bit of a problem with this place - they make a huge deal of everything and always manage to make me feel like a freak for having a couple of special requests. its all a bit frustrating but soon it will all be over. i am zen